I like the distinction you're making here. I also like that you're acknowledging that chastity/device-chastity is a kink that, while it fits within a d/s or just-kink dynamic, can be and on some level IS in its essence, thought of as individual (comparisons with crossdressing are inevitable here) and thus *slotting it in* (or rather, NOT slotting it in; ok ok I'll get my coat) a relationship dynamic is not necessarily obvious.
A sub requires a dom, a sadist requires a masochist (not every masochist requires a sadist alas) but a Chaste very much DOES NOT require a key holder. Or maybe there are two kinds?
I take your meaning. And framing my expectations of Jenn in our lifestyle D/s in that way is helpful. I've always been slightly bothered by the fact that I have expectations of her vis-a-vis my domestic servitude but to paraphrase you, I can't be a slave unless she's a master. Early on it was more servitude without any expectations of return (in fact, that's how we started.. I needed her to be a Domme so I just started being a sub.. it's amazing how never having to do the dishes again can incentivize a person). But as time has gone on (a year in our case), I've needed more wind in my sails.
I will challenge you on your use of the term FLR. Unfortunately that's a common usage but I think it detracts from another take on FLR. As I hinted, I'd prefer to use the term lifestyle D/s. FLR, I'd reserve for something far more profound: agreeing that your wife gets the final say in all serious matters. And this is key: you support it as if it were your own. Should we remodel the house? Offer your opinion but ultimately she makes the decision. Should the kid go to the magnet school or stay with his friends? Again, it's her final decision. Are (generalized) you balking at that last one? Why?
Don't enter an FLR unless you feel your wife is just as responsible and intelligent as you. Think about your past decisions. How often did you disagree? When you did disagree, was it really a toss up anyway.
So, why aren't I including domestic servitude in this? Or the answer to the question "what movie do you want to watch?". Motivation.
When I defer to her on trivial decisions (like when she orders for me when we're on a date) or take care of chores, it's because it makes me feel submissive. Wanting to feel that way is a kink. It's something that quasi-sexual in nature (I wouldn't want to feel that way with a man for example). But it doesn't turn me on to let Jenn make the educational decisions about our children rather it is a relationship choice. But why lifestyle D/s with the man the s is so often conflated with FLR is FLR is so often made possible by lifestyle D/s. The man is in the right headspace to set his damn ego aside and realize things just go smoother when there's one person that has the final say. The mistake in most of human history is that it was always the man.
I like the distinction you're making here. I also like that you're acknowledging that chastity/device-chastity is a kink that, while it fits within a d/s or just-kink dynamic, can be and on some level IS in its essence, thought of as individual (comparisons with crossdressing are inevitable here) and thus *slotting it in* (or rather, NOT slotting it in; ok ok I'll get my coat) a relationship dynamic is not necessarily obvious.
A sub requires a dom, a sadist requires a masochist (not every masochist requires a sadist alas) but a Chaste very much DOES NOT require a key holder. Or maybe there are two kinds?
There are at least two kinds! A Chaste doesn't require a keyholder, but a Locked Man does.
(Other varieties include gay locked bois, chastecels and locked sissies.)
Hi, I'm the quoted person here..
I take your meaning. And framing my expectations of Jenn in our lifestyle D/s in that way is helpful. I've always been slightly bothered by the fact that I have expectations of her vis-a-vis my domestic servitude but to paraphrase you, I can't be a slave unless she's a master. Early on it was more servitude without any expectations of return (in fact, that's how we started.. I needed her to be a Domme so I just started being a sub.. it's amazing how never having to do the dishes again can incentivize a person). But as time has gone on (a year in our case), I've needed more wind in my sails.
I will challenge you on your use of the term FLR. Unfortunately that's a common usage but I think it detracts from another take on FLR. As I hinted, I'd prefer to use the term lifestyle D/s. FLR, I'd reserve for something far more profound: agreeing that your wife gets the final say in all serious matters. And this is key: you support it as if it were your own. Should we remodel the house? Offer your opinion but ultimately she makes the decision. Should the kid go to the magnet school or stay with his friends? Again, it's her final decision. Are (generalized) you balking at that last one? Why?
Don't enter an FLR unless you feel your wife is just as responsible and intelligent as you. Think about your past decisions. How often did you disagree? When you did disagree, was it really a toss up anyway.
So, why aren't I including domestic servitude in this? Or the answer to the question "what movie do you want to watch?". Motivation.
When I defer to her on trivial decisions (like when she orders for me when we're on a date) or take care of chores, it's because it makes me feel submissive. Wanting to feel that way is a kink. It's something that quasi-sexual in nature (I wouldn't want to feel that way with a man for example). But it doesn't turn me on to let Jenn make the educational decisions about our children rather it is a relationship choice. But why lifestyle D/s with the man the s is so often conflated with FLR is FLR is so often made possible by lifestyle D/s. The man is in the right headspace to set his damn ego aside and realize things just go smoother when there's one person that has the final say. The mistake in most of human history is that it was always the man.