The Chaste Manifesto
I wrote the seven-point Chaste Manifesto as an open letter from Chastes to potential, and actual, Virgos. It’s basically how Xena, my very dominant Virgo wife, has taught me to live:
You control the extent to which we're chaste ("Customised sex life")
You only see us caged, especially in the bedroom (“What penis?”)
You don’t have to hear about our chastity (“Chastity is fire and forget.”)
You don’t have to explain (“I just prefer you this way.”)
We’re still lovers and partners (“Husband or Boyfriend 2.0.”)
We act as if our cage was 100% effective (“He’s caged. That’s it.”)
We won’t pester (“No emotional labour”)
We accept there may be no going back. ("Careful what you wish for.")
I wanted to give a voice to the other male chastity dynamic, the one where the (usually) female partner regards her man’s chastity pretty much the way most men regard their woman’s contraceptive arrangements.
How does a man generally feel about, e.g., his wife or girlfriend’s contraceptive coil?
Definitely gratitude and enthusiasm — “Hurrah! No condoms or worries about unplanned fatherhood!” However, not much actual detailed interest, “I had forgotten you’re getting your coil fitted today. Am I involved?” Also, “I have no idea what the difference between these devices is. Please just choose one.”
Now flip that and make it about male chastity, and you’re there. Because these women would love to send us off to a clinic to have a male chastity device fitted, perhaps with yearly reviews and counselling for the wearer thrown in…. but not couple counselling.
The Virgos in these dynamics — I call the women Virgos, because they are close to being born-again virgins, and because it’s a star sign related to a goddess — usually have a cheerfully ruthless streak, and want to treat the cage as a cool body modification.
For various reasons — there’s some informed speculation in the book — Virgos genuinely like having our penises out of commission. They often preside over a lively couple sex life that defies the pull of the Dead Bedroom. However, they have no interest in being “keyholders”, or engaging with our caged state, except sometimes in the bedroom. Mostly, all the male-focussed Internet expectations of edging and teasing and denial and pegging and assplay are out the window.
The Chastes — men like me — are happy to go along with what’s basically “neutering lite”, mostly because of some murky combination of niche gender and submissive masochism. It just feels right to us — I have something to say about that in the book as well.
I strongly suspect that this kind of harsh chastity dynamic is very common “in the wild”, away from both the kinky internet and from the real life BDSM scene, with its healthy emphasis on communication and negotiation.
However, there’s a huge potential for things to go wrong, not because the Virgo/Chaste dynamic is itself wrong, but because its very simplicity means that it is greatly under-represented online. There are just too many voices telling us we’re doing it wrong, nudging Virgos into guilt-driven performance, and Chastes into being demanding or boring (by talking it to death).
Which is why I wrote The Chaste Manifesto: to spell out our way of doing things, to give Chastes something to live up to, and Virgos something to insist on. I hope it helps couples arrive faster at their happy place.
The book itself, explores modern relationships, expands on each point, answers major objections (e.g. “Isn’t this just more shit for women to deal with?”), goes over the points with deeper explanations for the male reader, and finishes on a short his and her guide to introducing the Chaste/Virgo dynamic:
PART One: The Chaste Manifesto
PART Two: Chastes and Virgos!
PART Three: Chaste Manifesto (Full Version)
PART Four: Objections Answered
PART Five: Manifesto with Commentary for Men
PART SIX: Moving Towards a Virgo/Chaste Relationship
Click through to get The Chaste Manifesto on Smashwords! (Or LULU) (Or LULU PDF)