"I can’t argue with her because on a gut level I am afraid the femdom might go away."
AND
"Also, I have everything to gain by putting up with things I don’t like in order to get to the next adventure. (This probably applies to play partners as well. The domme is racking up domme time, whereas the sub is suffering towards a particular moment of release, relief, or catharsis. She has no reason to do things she doesn’t like, and if she does stop, he’s suffered for nothing.)"
well and perfectly stated...explaining my current mental torment in a nutshell, as I remain in relatively close proximity to a Domme that has no interest in discussing long term plans together. The suffering is real.
OR in the case of the hypno files I've been listening to more often, willing to put up with the fact I know the Domme I listen to isn't a real relationship. which is just about the same kind of suffering.
My conclusion as well, which of course begs the question is it truly hard wired? something that I can't change? Is there something I can do to ease that suffering? I mean I already have to classify myself as single to keep my sanity, and the only other experience I have to draw on is that sadistic nurse I've told you about before. I had someone spank me to tears in order to get over that loss, but then that is someone I will never see or talk to again, which would not be the case in dealing with the local Domme I mentioned.
I think because men are active and the protectors in life - busy and concerned with "everything" - in sex they'd love to just relax and submit....
Men can't give birth - so their opportunity in life to leave a mark on the world is far more material - hunting, fishing, build that bridge, write that code etc - Even in vanilla sex the man is constantly thinking into it - guiding it - he has to seduce - is she in the mood - am i performing - change positions - etc..... all that gets tiresome and at some point he'd love it if his woman just took over completely in the bedroom.
I also see that more passive orgasms - female laying back and having him go to town - have more depth and a better build up - whereas the dominant male is always holding himself back to extend and enchance the "session".
The allure of laying back and having her service you - is the origin of the fantasy - unfortunately women are more nuanced than that - trying to imprint a male idea of that onto her - by giving her total control - has all kinds of ramifications and unintended consequences.....
You're giving away too much, for too little return and masking it with the allure of feeling over powered by your desire for a horny female to service you - and you've trained yourself via porn to "look but not touch". Bad move !
The only solution I can see - and women are inherently submissive - and know well the benefits (above) of a fully submissive sexual experience - they have to effectively hand themselves over to be penetrated, enseminated and become preganant - we are dealing with procreation and real biological forces here - its not just a dildo massage or an orgasm.......there are underlying lizard brain functions......
The totally submissive female that's given herself over to complete sexual domination - she does that anyway to some degree - its her inate nature - but it can be enhanced - and she needs to experience that more......
She's also hard wired to serve her man - who returns to the cave tired from hunting, battle etc.... she has that need.... She wants to serve you......
On the other hand the female fantasy to entice and hypnotize and control a man through hyper sexualizing him and denying his complete satisfaction is extremely alluring for her - that's her ace card right there..... that's her historic access to male resources - whilst she was busy having children -
She finds what drives you wild for her and then leverages it..... Bad fkg move to unleash that unchecked - you're giving her an ace far too easily here !
Domination must be reciprocal..... Or she will lose respect...... As you've already analyzed - She has the control qnd doesn't reciprocate - her gratification is too easy now.... But not submissive.....
So she will seek that submissive sexual completion - and for her eventually it will be having some stranger ride her in a motel room while you watch (or wait at home).
She's knows she can get that with a snap of her fingers.... Its actually part of the glue that holds the marriage together - because she also instictively knows that it will quickly lead to a loss of respect for all men..... Just her sex toys..... I've already seen from divorced girls going out on tinder and banging 20 guys until "all men are shit".
She's never going to get full satisfaction as a female in a purely dominant role - with a bunch of easy simps laping at her pussy to her command..... and once she's lost respect for men completely - and its you who started her on the path..... She's basically fkd - and probably going to prefer having her pussy worked by another woman whilst acting out her dominant sexual fantasies (that you taught her) with another woman - cos all men are simps to her now. Long process - but that is the end destination of femdom..... Simps and Dykes.
In short all women are Switches.....
Women need a balance of both being a dom and a sub.
Don't let the over stimulated male lizard brain from watching too many horny porno women on a screen.... Trick you into believing you can gain access or possesion of that hyper sexual female state by being her simp.
Stop walking down the path of turning yourself into a cuck, sissy and a simp - that's where she'll take you.... (Whilst she slowly learns to despise all men as useless sex toys) - man up and trade your submission and sexual gratification - which gives her dom fantasy life...... And she she loves you for doing......
Trade it up for her submission..... Two weeks on, two weeks off.... You only need one or two evenings a month to tie her up and completely blow her mind.....
She biologically needs to feel a man take absolute and full possesion of her mind and body via sexual submission....
Switch it up..... and demand her to rebalance the equation..... With a few evenings a month of her total sexual submission.
Get down to the hardware store and buy some rope. Blind fold, harness, etc.
Or stock up on lube and anal dilators - and perpare yourself for the day she bends you over for another man...... After months of torturing you as her cuck and having you eat strangers cum out of her.
You cannot ever unleash the purely dominant sexual female - she will lose respect for you (and all men)..... and just as we love to see women in lurid lesbian activity - if you unleash her dominant (male) energy..... She'll eventually realize that her biggest thrill and ultimate domination of you (and all men) - will be to see you getting riden by another man..... you trained her to dislike her submissive side - which she biologically needs to fulfull..... You're setting Stockholm Syndrome.... She'll punish you back by removing your biological male need to dominate - but having you repeatedly nailed by other men.
And like a cat - with its pray - it won't be a quick process - it will be months of hell as she develops and deepens her requirements (and hollow lusts) for submissive sexual experiences by finding herself a bull and making you "enjoy" her total domination of you.
She's got the domination fantasy running hot - you gave her that for free..... Now she'll need the submission fantasy - and if you're not careful - soon its too late for you to fill that role - you're the simp now - she can't submit to that.
Finally once she's realized that all men are idiots -(see feminism for details) - and how can she respect either a sub hisband or an easy bull that just shows up with a cock (and no love) ..... she'll probably just jump the fence entirely....
I think there has to be a basic wiring for these things.. However, I think we wear deep channels in our soul. I'm not sure we can go back as such, but maybe we can develop happier paths. The theme I keep coming back to is femdom as a love language and relationship style, the love and the relationship part being really important.
I know it doesn't really do any good to bring it up but fuck it might as well. The situation I am in is that I am essentially emotionally attached to a Domme, but that Domme is essentially only a friends with benefits, if we have a scene it is MONTHS apart sometimes over a year, in the meantime all I can do is take her to dinner or a movie, sometimes shopping, but that is rare. She decided from the start that she didn't want a real relationship, because if we were living together and I am obviously kinky, then she would be outed to her family. Her line of thinking not mine. On top of that she doesn't drive I do. On top of that I can rarely make plans in advance because they will be cancelled as her family uses her as a free babysitter all the time. On top of that she doesn't like surprises. On top of that we work different shifts. I am damned if I do and damned if I don't.
I may be getting to a point where I say it might be worth it to begin talking to a prodomme more seriously.
Maybe, the real issue is that she likes control over her environment and plenty of space, and doesn't like an implicit sense of obligation. Could you perhaps pitch a relationship style, or way of living together, where she maintains control over her space and doesn't get surprises?
I always thought of this as "role effect" but it wouldn't surprise me if something like those four systems had neurological reality to it.
This "it's the same emotions" thing explains some behaviours that I always thought were very weird, like subs seeming to feel genuinely (FOR REAL) guilty for completely "invented" (no harm apart from disobedience) transgressions. But then for someone into d/s I have very low regard for obedience and authority as values in themselves so there's that.
"I can’t argue with her because on a gut level I am afraid the femdom might go away."
AND
"Also, I have everything to gain by putting up with things I don’t like in order to get to the next adventure. (This probably applies to play partners as well. The domme is racking up domme time, whereas the sub is suffering towards a particular moment of release, relief, or catharsis. She has no reason to do things she doesn’t like, and if she does stop, he’s suffered for nothing.)"
well and perfectly stated...explaining my current mental torment in a nutshell, as I remain in relatively close proximity to a Domme that has no interest in discussing long term plans together. The suffering is real.
OR in the case of the hypno files I've been listening to more often, willing to put up with the fact I know the Domme I listen to isn't a real relationship. which is just about the same kind of suffering.
Basically a structural trap.
My conclusion as well, which of course begs the question is it truly hard wired? something that I can't change? Is there something I can do to ease that suffering? I mean I already have to classify myself as single to keep my sanity, and the only other experience I have to draw on is that sadistic nurse I've told you about before. I had someone spank me to tears in order to get over that loss, but then that is someone I will never see or talk to again, which would not be the case in dealing with the local Domme I mentioned.
Interesting articles...... Thanks for sharing....
I think because men are active and the protectors in life - busy and concerned with "everything" - in sex they'd love to just relax and submit....
Men can't give birth - so their opportunity in life to leave a mark on the world is far more material - hunting, fishing, build that bridge, write that code etc - Even in vanilla sex the man is constantly thinking into it - guiding it - he has to seduce - is she in the mood - am i performing - change positions - etc..... all that gets tiresome and at some point he'd love it if his woman just took over completely in the bedroom.
I also see that more passive orgasms - female laying back and having him go to town - have more depth and a better build up - whereas the dominant male is always holding himself back to extend and enchance the "session".
The allure of laying back and having her service you - is the origin of the fantasy - unfortunately women are more nuanced than that - trying to imprint a male idea of that onto her - by giving her total control - has all kinds of ramifications and unintended consequences.....
You're giving away too much, for too little return and masking it with the allure of feeling over powered by your desire for a horny female to service you - and you've trained yourself via porn to "look but not touch". Bad move !
The only solution I can see - and women are inherently submissive - and know well the benefits (above) of a fully submissive sexual experience - they have to effectively hand themselves over to be penetrated, enseminated and become preganant - we are dealing with procreation and real biological forces here - its not just a dildo massage or an orgasm.......there are underlying lizard brain functions......
The totally submissive female that's given herself over to complete sexual domination - she does that anyway to some degree - its her inate nature - but it can be enhanced - and she needs to experience that more......
She's also hard wired to serve her man - who returns to the cave tired from hunting, battle etc.... she has that need.... She wants to serve you......
On the other hand the female fantasy to entice and hypnotize and control a man through hyper sexualizing him and denying his complete satisfaction is extremely alluring for her - that's her ace card right there..... that's her historic access to male resources - whilst she was busy having children -
She finds what drives you wild for her and then leverages it..... Bad fkg move to unleash that unchecked - you're giving her an ace far too easily here !
Domination must be reciprocal..... Or she will lose respect...... As you've already analyzed - She has the control qnd doesn't reciprocate - her gratification is too easy now.... But not submissive.....
So she will seek that submissive sexual completion - and for her eventually it will be having some stranger ride her in a motel room while you watch (or wait at home).
She's knows she can get that with a snap of her fingers.... Its actually part of the glue that holds the marriage together - because she also instictively knows that it will quickly lead to a loss of respect for all men..... Just her sex toys..... I've already seen from divorced girls going out on tinder and banging 20 guys until "all men are shit".
She's never going to get full satisfaction as a female in a purely dominant role - with a bunch of easy simps laping at her pussy to her command..... and once she's lost respect for men completely - and its you who started her on the path..... She's basically fkd - and probably going to prefer having her pussy worked by another woman whilst acting out her dominant sexual fantasies (that you taught her) with another woman - cos all men are simps to her now. Long process - but that is the end destination of femdom..... Simps and Dykes.
In short all women are Switches.....
Women need a balance of both being a dom and a sub.
Don't let the over stimulated male lizard brain from watching too many horny porno women on a screen.... Trick you into believing you can gain access or possesion of that hyper sexual female state by being her simp.
Stop walking down the path of turning yourself into a cuck, sissy and a simp - that's where she'll take you.... (Whilst she slowly learns to despise all men as useless sex toys) - man up and trade your submission and sexual gratification - which gives her dom fantasy life...... And she she loves you for doing......
Trade it up for her submission..... Two weeks on, two weeks off.... You only need one or two evenings a month to tie her up and completely blow her mind.....
She biologically needs to feel a man take absolute and full possesion of her mind and body via sexual submission....
Switch it up..... and demand her to rebalance the equation..... With a few evenings a month of her total sexual submission.
Get down to the hardware store and buy some rope. Blind fold, harness, etc.
Or stock up on lube and anal dilators - and perpare yourself for the day she bends you over for another man...... After months of torturing you as her cuck and having you eat strangers cum out of her.
You cannot ever unleash the purely dominant sexual female - she will lose respect for you (and all men)..... and just as we love to see women in lurid lesbian activity - if you unleash her dominant (male) energy..... She'll eventually realize that her biggest thrill and ultimate domination of you (and all men) - will be to see you getting riden by another man..... you trained her to dislike her submissive side - which she biologically needs to fulfull..... You're setting Stockholm Syndrome.... She'll punish you back by removing your biological male need to dominate - but having you repeatedly nailed by other men.
And like a cat - with its pray - it won't be a quick process - it will be months of hell as she develops and deepens her requirements (and hollow lusts) for submissive sexual experiences by finding herself a bull and making you "enjoy" her total domination of you.
She's got the domination fantasy running hot - you gave her that for free..... Now she'll need the submission fantasy - and if you're not careful - soon its too late for you to fill that role - you're the simp now - she can't submit to that.
Finally once she's realized that all men are idiots -(see feminism for details) - and how can she respect either a sub hisband or an easy bull that just shows up with a cock (and no love) ..... she'll probably just jump the fence entirely....
That's well articulated, but - as per my essays - I don't think it works like that.
I think there has to be a basic wiring for these things.. However, I think we wear deep channels in our soul. I'm not sure we can go back as such, but maybe we can develop happier paths. The theme I keep coming back to is femdom as a love language and relationship style, the love and the relationship part being really important.
I know it doesn't really do any good to bring it up but fuck it might as well. The situation I am in is that I am essentially emotionally attached to a Domme, but that Domme is essentially only a friends with benefits, if we have a scene it is MONTHS apart sometimes over a year, in the meantime all I can do is take her to dinner or a movie, sometimes shopping, but that is rare. She decided from the start that she didn't want a real relationship, because if we were living together and I am obviously kinky, then she would be outed to her family. Her line of thinking not mine. On top of that she doesn't drive I do. On top of that I can rarely make plans in advance because they will be cancelled as her family uses her as a free babysitter all the time. On top of that she doesn't like surprises. On top of that we work different shifts. I am damned if I do and damned if I don't.
I may be getting to a point where I say it might be worth it to begin talking to a prodomme more seriously.
Could you maybe be less "obviously kinky"?
Could you fix the shift issue?
Maybe, the real issue is that she likes control over her environment and plenty of space, and doesn't like an implicit sense of obligation. Could you perhaps pitch a relationship style, or way of living together, where she maintains control over her space and doesn't get surprises?
Very nice indeed.
I always thought of this as "role effect" but it wouldn't surprise me if something like those four systems had neurological reality to it.
This "it's the same emotions" thing explains some behaviours that I always thought were very weird, like subs seeming to feel genuinely (FOR REAL) guilty for completely "invented" (no harm apart from disobedience) transgressions. But then for someone into d/s I have very low regard for obedience and authority as values in themselves so there's that.