>>"suspect that the monkey brain reads the giving and receiving of nurture as just more Authority Ranking!"
I'd say a big big BIG "yes but" to it. My personal objection to this is that while it maintains AR (in my -- admittedly small -- experience with "more serious" aftercare), extensive, especially "cuddly" but even the "lie there with ice on your butt and don't move" style qualitatively trabsforms the top/dom role, from whatever it was and is normally to a "caretaker dom", or in kink parlance "daddy dom" (regardless of sex and gender of involved parties). So yes, a big ewww warning for this if you don't want this kind of dynamic. You might turn yourself into a daddy dom(me) purely by accident.
Of course many tops enjoy this kind of power too, within reason. But if you want to keep THAT ring fenced too (and it could get hard with an insecure or a bit needy sub) you STILL need a reset / toggle button.
As to "why people don't do things like board games", don't they? I think they must do. I certainly did with one regular playmate/fwb. We'd have a cuppa and a conversation about unrelated subject (local government politics, computer games, respective children growing up) and it provided an VERY effective reset. The whole relationship had virtually no leakage despite being pretty much "blanket consent within broad boundaries" in-play, and my partner never once safe wording or revoking that consent over more than a year of regular play. And any debrief/discussion of kinky stuff was done later, from "non AR place".
> As to "why people don't do things like board games", don't they? I think they must do. I certainly did with one regular playmate/fwb. We'd have a cuppa and a conversation about unrelated subject (local government politics, computer games, respective children growing up) and it provided an VERY effective reset. The whole relationship had virtually no leakage despite being pretty much "blanket consent within broad boundaries" in-play, and my partner never once safe wording or revoking that consent over more than a year of regular play. And any debrief/discussion of kinky stuff was done later, from "non AR place".
Another thing that works well is orgasm, of course, because while not everyone is "submissive just when horny", arousal certainly influences framing and a place we approach others from. Obvs won't work for long term/permanent chastity people, where, I suspect, ONE party getting to come and 'being done" moving to "sexually cold" phase will reinforce the (sexual anyway) AR frame. Tho you can then remove yourself or the bottom from the scene. Harder with a needy bottom who requires much emotional caretaking. Ugh.
So this:
>>"suspect that the monkey brain reads the giving and receiving of nurture as just more Authority Ranking!"
I'd say a big big BIG "yes but" to it. My personal objection to this is that while it maintains AR (in my -- admittedly small -- experience with "more serious" aftercare), extensive, especially "cuddly" but even the "lie there with ice on your butt and don't move" style qualitatively trabsforms the top/dom role, from whatever it was and is normally to a "caretaker dom", or in kink parlance "daddy dom" (regardless of sex and gender of involved parties). So yes, a big ewww warning for this if you don't want this kind of dynamic. You might turn yourself into a daddy dom(me) purely by accident.
Of course many tops enjoy this kind of power too, within reason. But if you want to keep THAT ring fenced too (and it could get hard with an insecure or a bit needy sub) you STILL need a reset / toggle button.
As to "why people don't do things like board games", don't they? I think they must do. I certainly did with one regular playmate/fwb. We'd have a cuppa and a conversation about unrelated subject (local government politics, computer games, respective children growing up) and it provided an VERY effective reset. The whole relationship had virtually no leakage despite being pretty much "blanket consent within broad boundaries" in-play, and my partner never once safe wording or revoking that consent over more than a year of regular play. And any debrief/discussion of kinky stuff was done later, from "non AR place".
> As to "why people don't do things like board games", don't they? I think they must do. I certainly did with one regular playmate/fwb. We'd have a cuppa and a conversation about unrelated subject (local government politics, computer games, respective children growing up) and it provided an VERY effective reset. The whole relationship had virtually no leakage despite being pretty much "blanket consent within broad boundaries" in-play, and my partner never once safe wording or revoking that consent over more than a year of regular play. And any debrief/discussion of kinky stuff was done later, from "non AR place".
Actually proves my point!
Totally.
Another thing that works well is orgasm, of course, because while not everyone is "submissive just when horny", arousal certainly influences framing and a place we approach others from. Obvs won't work for long term/permanent chastity people, where, I suspect, ONE party getting to come and 'being done" moving to "sexually cold" phase will reinforce the (sexual anyway) AR frame. Tho you can then remove yourself or the bottom from the scene. Harder with a needy bottom who requires much emotional caretaking. Ugh.