I also thought that that SA post "failed to get" the nature of d/s and BDSM kinks as comprehensively as it's possible (possibly more so because the author is afaik not kinky and asexual so with all the understanding on an intellectual level lacks the "feel" for how both sexual desire for another and d/s thrills feel).
Fascinating post, and I think your theory/explanation is basically correct. It resonates with how I've experienced and enjoyed d/s at any rate, and, as you hint at, how couples I've known who've gotten deep into it, or even lost in it, did so.
In that respect, I find your distinction between kink and fetish useful, if not universally agreeable. As I said, I experience and have done d/s in the way you describe as a kink. At times this has been intense, even all-consuming. However, it has never been necessary for me the way "actual" sexual identities are, as hetero- and homesexuality are to most people, for instance.
As it stands, people seem to use fetish to indicate: mistargeting and/or transgressiveness and/or intensity of erotic interest. They'll even talk in terms of having, e.g. a "boob fetish".
I think consent doesn't limit the possibility of a dominant being able to engage in boundary pushing behaviors that scare the submissive. A strong and skilled dominant can push the submissive to accept being subjected to thrilling and extreme circumstances that they might not accept from someone else. A good and brave sub could be willing to take it. There are a lot of actions and behaviors that would fall into the gray area or the yellow lighted region. Consent is something different for everyone, but for me it's not one solid, fixed forcefield line.
I also thought that that SA post "failed to get" the nature of d/s and BDSM kinks as comprehensively as it's possible (possibly more so because the author is afaik not kinky and asexual so with all the understanding on an intellectual level lacks the "feel" for how both sexual desire for another and d/s thrills feel).
Fascinating post, and I think your theory/explanation is basically correct. It resonates with how I've experienced and enjoyed d/s at any rate, and, as you hint at, how couples I've known who've gotten deep into it, or even lost in it, did so.
In that respect, I find your distinction between kink and fetish useful, if not universally agreeable. As I said, I experience and have done d/s in the way you describe as a kink. At times this has been intense, even all-consuming. However, it has never been necessary for me the way "actual" sexual identities are, as hetero- and homesexuality are to most people, for instance.
Thanks!
As it stands, people seem to use fetish to indicate: mistargeting and/or transgressiveness and/or intensity of erotic interest. They'll even talk in terms of having, e.g. a "boob fetish".
I have no idea how to untangle this...
I think consent doesn't limit the possibility of a dominant being able to engage in boundary pushing behaviors that scare the submissive. A strong and skilled dominant can push the submissive to accept being subjected to thrilling and extreme circumstances that they might not accept from someone else. A good and brave sub could be willing to take it. There are a lot of actions and behaviors that would fall into the gray area or the yellow lighted region. Consent is something different for everyone, but for me it's not one solid, fixed forcefield line.