Shona's Surprising Slave - Some help please?
Help me make the book version even better!
So that’s Shona’s Surprising Slave brought to a conclusion. You can still read the entire story here for free (I’ll eventually be paywalling it).
Meanwhile, I’m working on polishing the novel so I can publish it on Smashwords. I’m also planning what to write next.
You can help me by answering some questions:
Does Shona swear too much? (I can’t decide whether her bad language is jarring to the reader.)
What is Shona’s actual job title and industry?
Were there any obvious plot holes?
Is there anything that I could add to make the story more realistic?
Which characters would you like to see do their thing in a spinoff short story?
Which parts of the CARGO timeline are the most interesting, e.g. early days like this story, chastes and Virgos as established minorities like in Bradley Jones, or just part of the culture like in Fall in Chastity?
Are there any of my other settings you’d like me to explore some more? If so, why?
Is there anything else you want to tell me?
Does Shona swear too much? (I can’t decide whether her bad language is jarring to the reader.)
Not something that was jarring for me, it felt natural.
What is Shona’s actual job title and industry?
I'm thinking Financial industry part of an investment firm, job title...She has been a Portfolio Manager for a while now, aiming for that next Chief Investment Officer position to open up
Were there any obvious plot holes?
I would need to reread and get back to you
Is there anything that I could add to make the story more realistic?
You mean apart from Hal walking out of the party and going to his job to support himself instead of living in a cupboard under the stairs? I'm sure that there are minute details which I will have missed but you already know that I found it to be extremely realistic.
Which characters would you like to see do their thing in a spinoff short story?
I think it could be interesting to see the next boy toy the lesbian couple find to be their live in pet. Hal fit so naturally with them that they might be keeping an ear open in the chaste community for the next one out in the streets for a little while. OR for that matter It could also be interesting to follow the lives of a partner of police officers who get regularly summoned to evict unruly chastes. There would be an adjustment period for officers, and their precincts, as they handle the new policies. What mistakes the department makes as they enforce compliance, or what advantages they take in the line of duty, or what gossip they talk about as new clubs open up which cater to chastes. etc.
Which parts of the CARGO timeline are the most interesting, e.g. early days like this story, chastes and Virgos as established minorities like in Bradley Jones, or just part of the culture like in Fall in Chastity?
I would love to hear more about Fall in Chastity and that time line where it's just part of the culture now.
Are there any of my other settings you’d like me to explore some more? If so, why?
This question really causes me to think. If you are looking for a challenge it could be interesting to explore how your other stories fit into the CARGOverse, for example New Hymen and other human colonies where chastes can be found obviously have their origins in a CARGOverse where the culture is already the norm. It would be a lot of fun to go a sci-fi route and explore the society that sets up New Hymen. Who colonizes it? Who sets those policies? What organization educates people preparing to travel there? What incentives do chastes have to go there? How are they hoping to grow their cities? So many questions that could be asked, and stories to tell.
Is there anything else you want to tell me?
I currently have 217 emails in my Giles English folder in order to keep them separate and organized from the rest of my inbox.