Male Chastity in the Future: Dekinkified

How sextech might shape the future of male chastity devices

Photo by Toa Heftiba on Unsplash

So the future is chaste! Or at least 5-10% of it…

We left off our (non-fappy!) future history of male chastity maybe a decade on from the present with:

• Smart Chastity Cages that actually work as advertised.

• A vibrant gay male chastity scene.

• Male chastity as a preference for about 5%-10% of all straight dating.

• Male chastity being about as mainstream as vibrators.

• Male chastity no longer being seen as primarily kinky.

What happens next?

The combination of the first and last point changes everything.

The Smart Chastity Cage does away with the need for trust or suspension of disbelief. Male chastity no longer looks like any sort of game. Male chastity is now real.

Removing the play element of male chastity has two weird downstream effects.

Dekinkification of male chastity

As soon as male chastity stops being a game that you have to buy into, it will stop being kinky.

Seriously.

The boundary between vanilla and kink sometimes seems arbitrary.

Why is my wedding ring vanilla and my day collar kinky? They both signal a sexual relationship, and monogamy is at least as unnatural as D/s.

Why are feathers naughty, but whips kinky? They are both tools for creating erotic sensations.

And why is a vibrator… vaguely amusing(?) and a male chastity device kinky, when they have very similar sexual functions: the vibrator helps with female orgasm, the male chastity device enhances the male plateau phase.

Kink has to be about more than just unnatural approaches to sex. Contraception is also unnatural, but nobody — well, almost nobody — finds pills and condoms actually sexy: “Look at that empty contraceptive packet. We’re sure going to shag without consequences (wink) tonight…”

I think a good working definition of a kink is:

Something unnatural in the sex realm is “kinky” to the extent that it seems to (a) reference the darker aspects of humanity and (b) requires play, as in shared suspension of disbelief.

That’s why vanillas are uncomfortable with public displays of kink. It takes them to places right-thinking people don’t like, and also gives squicky glimpses into a private intimacy… like discovering an adult couple’s collection of well-loved plushies, but ickier.

So my day collar references classical slavery (ouch) and implies that we “play” at a power relationship, likewise the whips and the chastity device. It’s kinky.

How about the Smart Chastity Cage from the last article?

How smart chastity cages dekinkify male chastity

Male chastity cages are not currently vibrator equivalents. Unlike modern chastity devices, vibrators don’t normally imply a dark power relationship. Nor do you have to agree to treat them as if they work for them to work. (Bzzzzzz!)

However, the shiny Smart Chastity Cage 2040 (“SCC40”) will be different.

The established Virgo-Chaste dating scene will already visibly and loudly be not about power relationships and dark urges.

Chastes approach dating and relationships pre-locked. The Virgo simply isn’t forcing her partner to be locked. Rather, she picks her partners from locked men. Any subsequent rules are merely two people negotiating their identities.

And modern (future) male chastity is already also not about suffering.

Virgo and Chaste mostly make love in vanilla ways, just without a working penis in the mix. If, in practice, most of the stimulation flows from the Chaste to the Virgo, that’s just their orientations playing out. Nothing dark going on. Honest.

Now along comes the SCC40 removing any element of shared “make believe”. No darkness, no play. The male chastity device is now a wearable reverse vibrator. And it’s no longer kinky.

The next development is even stranger.

The desexualisation of male chastity

Wait! Hear me out. This isn’t as insane as it sounds.

Let’s start with the idea that, if male chastity isn’t kinky, then it’s a mainstream sexual identity. Historically, that’s just how the pipeline works, most notably the progression of homosexuality from a “decadent perversion practised in shameful secret”, to a widely accepted sexuality.

I think the transformation to mainstream sexuality will already be underway before the SCC40 — all those locked demimen and side demiwomen. However, the big hurdle to acceptance will be the perceived kinkiness, and the SCC40 will make that go away.

Now it gets weirder.

There’s a tendency in anglophone society to desexualise how sexual identities are presented. We picture gay couples exploring cottage core, not cottaging, poly throuples being sweetly romantic, not enjoying three-ways…

That’s entirely reasonable and a good thing.

Most people want their sexuality to be visible, even if in exclusive relationships, so much so that it feels like a hardwired urge. It’s psychologically important to know similar people, and vital if you are looking for a relationship. At the same time, we’re all aware that other people don’t want to contemplate the juicy details of our sex lives. So sexualities become culturally defined by their non-sexual outward appearance.

Thus the “gayness” of my gay mates is defined by two men visibly living together and partaking of gay culture, and the “polyness” of my throuple friends by the way their flat is set up for three, and how they present in their social lives. Also, by who holds hands with whom…

Virgo and Chaste Types

Photo by Lance Reis on Unsplash

In theory, Chastes and Virgos won’t have the sort of visibility that same-sex couples have: you can’t tell who’s caged, or who likes caged men. However, that gives them all the more reason to develop a fashion subculture. That sub culture will be based on the range of psychological types drawn to male chastity, resulting in different distinct archetypes.

Just as there are “lesbian haircuts”, and a whole range of lesbian types such as butch, femme, soft butch, power dykes, there will be “Virgo haircuts” and Virgo types, perhaps Madonna, Vamp, Virago… And there will a counterpart range of Chaste types, perhaps Simp, Gigolo, Twink…

Male Chastity Expands its Reach

Once a sexuality is visible and socially viable, the people it applies to come out and get out and about.

However, there will always be people for whom the sexuality is optional but convenient or desirable in some way.

Many people are just experimenting and finding their way. Sexuality can be a journey or a random walk.

Some people are more pragmatic, like the bi friend of mine who identified as a lesbian through university because at the time it was simpler just to pick one, and she preferred the lesbian social life.

There will be people driven to make the political personal, like my friend who thought everybody should be pan, but discovered he couldn’t get it up with a man, and my other friend who wanted to embrace lesbianism, Because Feminism (can’t remember which version), but couldn’t because ultimately she wasn’t into women!

And finally, there will always be the poseurs who aren’t really gay or lesbian or whatever, but enjoy dabbling with the fashion to be edgy or cool.

The thing is, unlike with variations of gay, lesbian and bi, temporally embracing male chastity doesn’t mean you have to violate your base sexual orientation.

So, in this world, everybody involved in heterosexual sex is potentially into male chastity at some point.

Youthful experimenters feel it’s a safe environment to explore sex and relationships, a sexier version of the good old days of chaperones and propriety. It also potentially resolves some generic anxieties around sex. Nobody has to get it up, or be sexy enough to cause an erection. There’s no penetration. No sticky messes. He’s guaranteed to be too horny to care about much other than pleasuring her, and at the same time is unlikely to force himself on her.

In the future, there are also many good pragmatic reasons for embracing male chastity.

Young men find it boosts their sex lives — that’s where the horny women are. Some young women simply find the “sex” is better in chaste dating, or believe that “true love waits”.

More mature women find it’s a good way to set boundaries while dating, or as a way to avoid intercourse if that’s an issue. Middle aged men enjoy the escape from performance anxiety.

Some people will use the Smart Chastity Cage for actual chastity. Solos will try to use it to escape the “sins of the flesh”… I wonder if that will make them targets for Virgos who enjoy a challenge? And couples will use it to take the pressure off a sexless marriage… but of course with the pressure off, the erotic connection might revive; then what?

And the poseurs still pose, but they are also doing it for real.

And that’s the rub, because despite protestations to the contrary, male chastity will still be kinky.

Kinky and sticky.

Male Chastity: Still Kinky and so Sticky

The politically correct version of chastity sex will something like:

He’s super sensual, enjoying a plateau phase, while she closes the historical orgasm gap. After, he wallows in erotic afterglow, and they drift off together.

Yes, but, she’s still de facto empowered at his expense. He’s still sexually frustrated. She often finds that funny and gradually takes a sadistic pleasure in his suffering. He starts to take a masochistic pleasure in the whole thing — if that’s not what secretly drew him to being a chaste in the first place anyway.

So, “vanilla” male chastity is a machine for creating Virgo dommes and masochistic submissive Chastes.

And the more people do chaste sex, the more conditioned they become, to the point at which that’s just what sex is.

Whoops.

This will have some interesting effects on society at large, which I’ll come to next week…

(Rest of series)

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While you’re waiting for the next episode, check out one possible future of chastity…